


You Just Learn to Live There

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M, Implied Kaylee Frye/Simon Tam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-17
Updated: 2006-02-17
Packaged: 2019-04-29 06:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14466849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: River's not the only one with secrets.





	You Just Learn to Live There

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Set after the film. References my other stories.

  
Author's notes: Set after the film. References my other stories.  


* * *

You Just Learn to Live There

## You Just Learn to Live There

"We have too many secrets." 

Simon narrowly missed bumping his head on the door to his room, startled to hear his sister's voice as he slipped in, late at night. The unfamiliar sense of pleasure and relaxation he had indulged in that evening faded into worry. It seemed to be his default emotional state. "River? I was just with Kaylee. That isn't secret...although it is...somewhat private." 

She rolled her eyes. "Kaylee is not good at secrets. We are." 

Simon eyed his sister with concern and sat on his bed, facing her. She was curled in a corner of it. She did not, to his relief, seem frightened or deeply distressed. "So the fact that I'm sneaking back into my room late at night is not, I take it, a secret we need to discuss?" 

She shrugged. "Hardly a secret." 

Simon sighed. "Well, since I'm going to be very pleased if I don't have to discuss my...romantic life...with my sister I suppose I better let that go." He ran his hands through already tousled hair. "But since I imagine you know most of my secrets, are there some of yours I should know about?" He stopped as an unpleasant thought hit him. "These wouldn't be horrible demise of a whole world sort of secrets would they? I'm not sure I'm ready for that." 

"Mal says so too. Not ready for another war." She nodded. "I have lots more secrets, but none worse." 

"Do you need to talk about them? We can get some tea, maybe in the infirmary for privacy." 

"No. Simon." River shook her head firmly. "You have too much private." 

The look he gave her was full of irony. "My psychic sister has invaded my bedroom. I live in an enclosed tube with six other people. I don't think we need to worry about my hermetic habits just yet." 

She sighed. "No secrets from River. I have worlds of secrets stored in my head. They aren't good for it. But I'll keep them there. They'll do more harm out than in." She leaned forward, glaring at him, oddly menacing for such a small person. "Tams keep secrets. But you have to give yours away. Soon." 

In the past few years, Simon had found, somewhat to his surprise, that he was difficult to menace. "What secrets am I keeping, River?" 

"How you got me out. Never told them River's an assassin, a reader. 'She's just a troubled girl.' Over and over. When you knew. Angry when they found the truth." She looked at him sternly, feeling both frustration and pride when he eyed her coolly right back. 

"Yes. That secret I kept. I needed a place for us." Simon took her chin in his hand, looked into her eyes, still cool and intense. "I love you. Whatever they tried to make you into at that goushi buru place, I love you. But you know what? There were a lot of people who wanted keep you trapped and psychotic, or failing that, dead." His voice stayed low, but it was sharp as Jayne's knives. "The people on this ship gave us shelter, and for that they have my gratitude. But they wouldn't have gone near us if I'd told them the whole truth. It's hard to find a safe haven for a fugitive and his unstable sibling. Add psychic and easily triggered assassin to the mix and no one would have taken us on." 

After a moment, Simon gentled, ran a hand down her hair. "That's harsh, River. I blame you for none of it. But I trusted no one with your safety. I make no apologies for that." 

"Not good enough." She shook off his hand. "I can keep my tenses straight now. Past doesn't have to equal present." 

"It doesn't. They know now. It's enough." 

"It isn't. They know River, but not Simon. A lie a day and the doctor's away." 

"The doctor's right here. He's prescribing a few months without fresh revelations or disaster for all his patients." 

River shrugged. "We attract disaster. And you have to tell them what you know. I can still be triggered." 

"No." Simon's calm began to slip. "You're much more stable, and the medications are working ...they can't do it again." 

River shrugged. "No knowing. That's a secret too. You know Inara's." 

He looked at River in surprise. "Not really. I have a few guesses." 

"No. You know one is true. And you don't tell." 

"She's not my patient. It's not really my place. Even if I were her doctor, it would be a matter of professional confidentiality." 

"Serenity. No privacy and too many secrets." 

"River, do you need more privacy? If you need to leave, if this is not the best place for you, tell me. We'll make it work." 

She eyed him sadly. "And leave Kaylee?" 

His shoulders slumped slightly, but he nodded. "Whatever you need. I'd be...sorry. Caring for Kaylee is something I did for me. But keeping you safe, getting you what you need, is still more important. It has to be." 

River leaned over, her head on his shoulder. "You've always taken care of me. Now I can help. Be here. Be sane here." She took his hand, squeezed it. "But I can't be the same River you remember. Not in Serenity. Not in anywhere. The River-child is gone." 

He squeezed back. "I know. It's hard sometimes. I loved that child so much." He paused, steadied himself with an effort, brought her fingers to his lips. "But there's a River-woman here. I love her too. Even if she doesn't give me much peace." 

She smiled, just a little. "No peace on Serenity. You never leave. You just learn to live there." 

"Yeah." Simon leaned back, looked up at the ceiling, than back at his sister. "I can think of worse fates." 

"Fatalism is a logical error." 

"Ah." 

"But there are possible worlds in which we have less interesting lives." River rolled off the bed and onto her feet in a graceful yet childish motion. 

"I'm sure that's true. Do you want to have a cup of tea and discuss it?" 

"Master Simon needs his rest. But tomorrow." 

"We discuss possible worlds?" 

"We discuss how you got River out. At dinner." 

There was a long pause as they stared at each other. Finally Simon nodded. "You'll protect me if the inevitable abuse gets physical?" 

"I'll float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." 

"I'll take that as a yes." 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title:   **You Just Learn to Live There**   
Author:   **Cedar**   
Details:   **Standalone**  |  **PG**  |  **gen**  |  **5k**  |  **02/17/06**   
Characters:  Simon, River   
Pairings:  Kaylee/Simon implied   
Summary:  River's not the only one with secrets.   
Notes:  Set after the film. References my other stories.   
  



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